A Fork In The Road

It’s been two days since I returned from a trip to Chicago last week. I started a new hybrid work schedule and didn't commute to the office today so I will take the time to share some thoughts.

Impromptu Chicago Experience

I jumped at the chance to go on the trip, it was a good opportunity to take my new Subaru Outback on its first long-distance trip! My friends Jonny, Esti, and Varsha accompanied me as we spent a week in the Portage Park neighborhood, working remotely and spending time in the Chicago area. The city felt alive, whether it was the salsa night at the restaurant down the street, the bustle of the farmers market, or the loud children at the playground. Working remotely from Chicago also offered a new perspective on work-life balance. The flexibility to work from cozy cafes or my Airbnb was a stark contrast to my usual routine of speeding through rush hour on Interstate 75. Above all, I enjoyed the plethora of options - a walk along Lake Michigan, a stroll through Grant Park, or just walking through the neighborhood and finding a good dinner spot after work in the evenings. I met and caught up with several friends who settled in Chicago after college, in some instances we met for the first time since the pandemic. In my encounters, I gained insights into a lifestyle that seemed more aligned with my aspirations.

Perhaps the most significant encounter was meeting a Hinge match from a year ago, a connection that never materialized in person due to the pandemic. Somehow we reconnected (thanks Instagram algorithm) and met up. Our date in Chicago was nothing short of magical, starting with drinks in Logan Square and evolving into dinner and a night out filled with dancing. For the first time in a while, I felt a spark; a stark contrast to my social experiences in Detroit, where opportunities for such spontaneous and meaningful interactions seemed scarce. That night date emphasized how much I had missed socializing during the pandemic and the unique charm of chance encounters in a lively city setting. Of course, the entire night was one-sided as I learned later but my point remains!

While last-minute, the trip to Chicago reminded me I yearned for city life – a vibrant social scene, a balance between work and leisure, and a lifestyle that wasn't constrained by the need for constant driving.

A Hard Look At Life in Detroit

As I walked the streets of Chicago, my mind wandered to a pressing realization: my time in the Metro Detroit area has been marked by a deep-seated unhappiness. I was dreading the drive back on Sunday and felt really down at the idea of leaving the Windy City behind, not because I would miss it but because I did not want to return to Detroit. This epiphany was unexpected but not surprising. After leaving Michigan last year amid the pandemic's uncertainty, I returned only two months later for an onsite job in Auburn Hills. I ended up in Royal Oak, a suburb known as a top choice for new grads and young professionals. Despite its promises, Royal Oak fell short of expectations. The area, though burgeoning with new graduates and professionals, lacked the vibrancy and fulfillment I sought. I ended up moving to Detroit in January in search of a more vibrant community.

While I enjoy my new neighbors, improved walkability, and proximity to cultural institutions of Midtown Detroit, I have felt increasingly out of place. The city and region (while rich in history and culture) don't align with my long-term goals or desires. My attempts to find third places (social environments outside of work and home) are met with limited success, perhaps a lingering effect of the pandemic. The community has not resonated with me and much like Royal Oak has been limited to socializing over drinks, with few options for nature lovers like me. Michigan has a lot of hiking and outdoor activities but most are on the west coast along Lake Michigan or in the far-flung Northern Michigan and Upper Peninsula region more than 6 hours away.

My professional life in Detroit also presents its challenges. Though I have a job I like, the city offers limited opportunities for growth in my field. The scarcity of technical mentors and an active tech community is a significant drawback. Almost everyone I meet works at the big three automotive giants and they have really well-developed social networks centered around their work colleagues. It’s hard to join those groups, and the startup community is still nascent here. I yearn for an environment where I can thrive professionally, surrounded by a network that pushes me towards excellence.

Moreover, the necessity of a daily 30+ mile commute to work is a stark reminder of the region’s lack of walkability and non-car transit options. This reliance clashes with my growing desire for a more sustainable lifestyle and an urban environment where I can walk or use public transit. While I love my Subaru Outback, I would not have bought it if I lived in a big city - I would not need it. And the idea of burning fossil fuels just to sit at my desk in an empty office does not resonate with me.

These reflections bring me back to a truth I've known since my college days in Ann Arbor: I never envisioned a future for myself in Michigan. While grateful for the friends, opportunities, and lessons Michigan has provided, I've always imagined living in a larger, more dynamic city. The idea of purchasing a starter home in Metro Detroit may be attractive due to cost but it holds little appeal when weighed against my deeper yearning for a different kind of life. I want a life filled with diverse experiences, rich cultural interactions, and a sense of belonging. In essence, Detroit, for all its unique qualities, doesn't feel like home to me. As I look to the future, I'm driven by the belief that there is a greater world out there—one where I can find my true place and live a life that resonates more deeply with who I am and who I aspire to be.

The Road Ahead

I need to take ownership of my life and create the future I want. I believe it is time for some careful research to search for my next home. It won’t be easy but I look forward to learning more about what I want and finding as much information as possible to figure out the next steps. It’s funny how I was just getting settled in after a period of pandemic-induced uncertainty… but it’s okay to embrace the unknown.