So I Got Laid Off
Nostalgia washes over me as I sit down with a cup of overpriced coffee and pull out my laptop. I’m back at the University of Michigan sitting in a building that once housed my favorite coffee shop, Espresso Royale on State Street. Gone are the darkly lit brick walls and the ancient yet cozy furniture pieces; replaced by a bright and modern atheistic complete with the overpriced menu.
I'm in Ann Arbor for an alumni panel during Homecoming weekend, aiming to impart some wisdom to current students. After a red-eye flight from San Diego and a morning filled with meetings, I finally have a moment to myself. It's time to reflect on the layoff that occurred just two weeks ago and consider its impact on my career, personal life, and future amidst this tech winter.
Background and Early Warning Signs
For the past year, I was a software engineer at a 3-person seed-stage startup, focused on building a smart advertising platform for the music industry. My arrival to the startup itself was a red flag: frustration at my previous role's stagnation led me there, not as a first choice but as a fallback after Meta's hiring freeze paused my interview process and a retracted offer from Alphabet limited my options. Despite initial optimism, reality quickly set in: a distant fractional CTO and the daunting task of overhauling a chaotic codebase left by an offshore team, rather than collaborating with them because we fired them. This mismatch between expectation and reality underscored the challenges ahead.
As the year dragged on, we worked through missteps - whether it was the SVB collapse, random services falling apart, or losing customers. Our funding was dwindling on an over-engineered, ineffective product that wasn’t even validated by the users. Despite my reservations, I dug deeper trying to clean up the technical mess.
Over time it became apparent that my CEO, who portrayed servant leadership, was not very trusting and had hesitation letting go of technical ownership. He cared more about "making progress" instead of inspecting the complexity of a half-built codebase left behind by the offshore team. The dismissal of our product manager early on (without clear reasoning) showcased the unpredictable nature of my CEO and our dire strategic misalignment. Amid dwindling funds and an unvalidated product, my role felt increasingly Sisyphean.
More of my CEO’s nature came to light during an on-site in Nashville, at the CEO's apartment. What was meant to be a team-building effort turned into a miserable week with harsh words and 12-hour workdays under the CEO's watchful eye (at his dining table no less), reinforcing a caged feeling - all while in my view, working on the wrong things.
Lead-Up to the Layoff
I had pushed for a pivot to developing internal tools to improve our clients' experience, but after reaching burnout, I took unpaid leave to visit India, despite our supposed "unlimited PTO" policy. Returning, I found a stark shift: the CEO had reversed course, focusing again on the original platform; this marked a clear divergence in our visions. A new fractional CTO and offshore developer had joined and both preferred a stack I was unfamiliar with. Faced with the constant changes in direction and a clear message from the new CTO to "listen more and stay quiet," I felt sidelined.
Frustrations peaked during a final one-on-one with the CEO, where the failure to align problem-solving approaches confirmed my impending exit. I lost my patience with his constant flip-flopping and remarked that the whole experience felt like a waste of time and he expressed he lost faith in me to guide the company. I started updating my resume, anticipating the layoff.
The Layoff and Immediate Aftermath
A week after the contentious call, the inevitable Slack notification led to an impromptu call. I was asked to stop working as we walked through the formalities of separation with the CEO and our fractional Human Resources person. As I closed my laptop, I felt an immediate sense of relief—no more meetings, standup, code reviews, or late-night debugging. Months of stress just evaporated in five minutes. The following days were spent in leisure, a stark contrast to the previous months of tension.
Reality however caught up; the stark realization that my gamble had culminated in failure. I applied to over 100 jobs but this job market is unforgiving; recruiters aren’t flooding my inbox unsolicited anymore and the tables have turned. Looking back now, I felt a sense of defeat over the last couple of weeks. The warning signs I chose to ignore now remind me of my misjudgment. I feel misled by promises during the hiring process that never came to fruition. The passion and identity I invested in my job are now gone, leaving a void where motivation once thrived. It feels more personal than losing a job; it feels like I lost a part of myself that was deeply intertwined with my professional life.
The impact of the self-doubt and erosion of self-worth has also cast a shadow over my personal life for the past couple of weeks. My relationship, once a source of strength and comfort, now felt the strain of my internal turmoil. The emotional disarray clouding my thoughts has caused a growing distance between my partner and me. Amidst this shaky period of the last two weeks, being back in Michigan for homecoming is a much-needed respite and an opportunity to reevaluate everything.
Reflections on Leadership and Company Direction
Looking back at the CEO's leadership style - a blend of emotional intelligence and inclusiveness - it seemed modern but under the surface, however, there lay a stark reality: a leadership style that defaulted to unilateral decision-making and a rigid adherence to his vision, irrespective of the differing perspectives or the critical advice offered by his team. This approach, coupled with the financial strains and the precarious nature of our funding, created an environment fraught with uncertainty and a sense of urgency. We were always reactive and the economic downturn and decrease in advertising revenue only exacerbated these challenges.
Amidst this backdrop, my professional journey felt stymied. The opportunities for technical growth and career advancement have been elusive, leaving me to question the substantive value of my contributions and the tangible outcomes. The pivotal lesson here is that I need to better align with roles and organizations that not only resonate with my immediate skill set but also harmonize with my broader career aspirations and personal values. It has become evident that motivation derived from a desire to escape unfavorable conditions is inherently fleeting and ultimately not a great reason to join a startup. True fulfillment will be found in the pursuit of opportunities that align with my long-term goals.
The Silver Linings & Next Steps
Ultimately, I see this layoff not as an end but as a redirection. One silver lining is the unexpected support network that has materialized. The countless texts, Zoom, and phone calls over the past two weeks have been instrumental in navigating this period, offering practical advice and emotional support alike.
All I know is that I don’t know what’s next but I am trying to find the other silver linings. This is an opportunity to practice budgeting, reduce discretionary spending, and extend my emergency fund. Additionally, I have been considering a move to Los Angeles for some time - now I have the motivation to explore that job market. Finally, the upcoming career design workshop might be a good time to adopt a more deliberate career path.
While things look topsy turvy, there is no better reminder of my ability to embrace the uncertainty and be resilient than being back in Ann Arbor. Much like my college days, there is some uncertainty but I know there are some amazing possibilities that lie ahead.
